Fighting Fire with Water: How Gracie Jiu Jitsu Helps Children Handle Bullying

Fighting fire with water: how Gracie Jiu Jitsu helps children deal with bullying

By: Professor Itay Leibovich | Gracie Jiu Jitsu Black Belt - a victim of bullying himself. Date: April 2026 Reading time: ~12 min Categories: beginners guide, bullying, Gracie Jiu Jitsu Tel Aviv, self-defence

A child standing confidently in front of a bully: Gracie Jiu Jitsu Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu training in Tel Aviv

There is something broken in the system.

When a child comes home with bruises, with a broken look, with a torn bag, we as parents feel helpless. We call the teacher. We meet the other child's parents. We talk about "systemic solutions". But in the meantime, our child is still left alone facing the bully. Still without tools. Still a victim.

A few years ago Guy, one of the fathers at the academy, came to me. He told me about S., his son. A big boy for his age, broad-shouldered, but very gentle. The type nature gave the body of a fighter and the soul of an artist. A little short on confidence, a little bullying from a few children who had worked out he would not hit back. They brought him to me to build him up. To empower him.

After a few months Guy came to me again. This time with a smile.

"Itay, do you know what happened yesterday? S.'s bully was hassling him at break. S. didn't say anything. He simply took him down onto his back, took mount, and looked him in the eye. He said quietly: 'stop bothering me. Or else...'"

Guy stopped. Smiled.

"He didn't even finish the sentence. He didn't need to."

That is the power of jiu-jitsu. Not that S. hurt anyone. Not that he threatened. But that he knew he could. And the bully knew that he knew.

When the system gives the victim no tools

Bullying is a growing phenomenon in schools in Israel and around the world. The research points to a consistent and worrying picture of who becomes a victim and why.

Victims of bullying typically show high levels of impulsivity (Fanti & Kimonis, 2013). They tend to be good students who struggle socially, and suffer from low self-image, a sense of isolation and hopelessness about changing their situation (Cook, Williams, Guerra, Kim & Sadek, 2010; Olweus, 1995). When their response to the situation is examined, the research finds that in most cases they absorb it and do nothing to improve their position (Brown, Birch & Kancherla, 2005).

Why? Not because they do not want to. Because they cannot.

The feelings that arise in victims are a desire for revenge, anger and self-pity. But because they have no power to change their situation, they tend to internalise those feelings and blame themselves for their position (Borg, 1998; Cook et al., 2010). That internalisation leads to growing feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, which in turn reinforce and perpetuate the cycle of violence.

So what do we do? We talk to the teachers. We organise lectures. We bring in counsellors. But what do we give the victim himself? Honestly, almost nothing.

The system provides external solutions: parental involvement, educational programmes, anti-violence initiatives. And that is where the central failure lies. Educators prefer systemic and social solutions over empowering the victim directly, partly out of fear of escalating the violence (Reid, Monsen & Rivers, 2004). But the child himself remains at the mercy of the bully. His fate is not in his hands. He becomes fixed as a victim. A victim in the bully's eyes, but first of all in his own.

That is exactly where Gracie Jiu Jitsu enters the picture.

What martial arts give that the system cannot

Research on the value of physical and sporting activity shows a range of physiological improvements: better processing of nutrients, better oxygen supply to the brain, and improved regulation of factors that can lead to hyperactivity (Ripley, 2003). But martial arts specifically have two unique and complementary advantages that ordinary physical activity does not provide: response capability and psychological resilience.

Response capability: bullying has physical components in the form of physical violence. Martial arts give the victim the tools to deal with an assault, so that he can protect himself and respond if necessary.

Psychological resilience: when the victim has the tools to protect himself and thereby break out of the cycle of violence, psychological resilience is built that allows him to cope with difficulties. Difficulties rooted in bullying, and other difficulties in life.

Studies have found that people who practise martial arts learn how to be focused and calm, how to communicate better, that they develop self-awareness and the ability to reduce feelings of fear and anger in order to maximise concentration and attention (Weiser, Kutz, Kutz & Weiser, 1995). Further studies found that boys who trained in martial arts were more restrained and independent than boys who trained in wrestling and football (Fuller, 1988), and that the longer the training continues, the stronger the effects become (Duthie, Hope & Baker, 1978).

Lakes and Hoyt (2004) examined the effect of martial arts study as part of the school curriculum on 207 pupils. The results showed significant improvements in self-regulation of behaviour, in pro-social behaviour and in classroom behaviour.

And on the family aspect: participants in studies consistently reported that some of the benefits of practising martial arts were self-confidence, physical vitality, concentration, respect for others and for themselves, friendship, improved grades, and respect for life (Lantz, 2002).

This is not just about striking or taking somebody down. It is about building a stronger person from the inside.

The difference between fire and water

Most martial arts teach you to hit harder. Faster. Karate, taekwondo, boxing, all of them are based on strikes and kicks. If a child uses one of them, what happens? The confrontation escalates. Somebody gets hurt, sometimes seriously, and both are in trouble.

Educators understand this. The fear of fighting fire with fire is entirely justified, which is why there is a preference for systemic solutions over giving tools to the direct victim (Reid, Monsen & Rivers, 2004).

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, also known as Gracie Jiu Jitsu, is something else entirely. People searching for jujitsu, jiu jitsu, ju jutsu or jujutsu are looking for exactly this: a system that ends a confrontation without creating a new one.

The system is based on control, containment and stopping the violence. When somebody pushes you, grabs you, tries to hit you, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu teaches you to control the distance, control the position, and contain and stop the attacker without hurting him more than necessary. Instead of hitting back, you stop the violence at source. You hold the attacker, prevent him from continuing, and wait for help. Or simply end the confrontation without anybody leaving with broken teeth.

That is exactly what "fighting fire with water" means: not escalating, but extinguishing.

Jiu-jitsu works exactly where most confrontations happen

Most confrontations between children do not start with punches. They start with shoves, grabs and bear hugs, and usually end up on the floor. There the victim cannot run and cannot evade. He is pinned by the attacker.

Karate, kung fu, taekwondo, Muay Thai: all of them only address a standing confrontation. What happens when you fall? There you have nothing. No answer.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu specialises in exactly that dimension. The system teaches you to work when you are on your back, to reverse the position, and to end a confrontation quickly and safely.

Remember S.? It is no accident that he chose mount. He did not hit. He did not shout. He stopped the confrontation from the most controlling position there is, with his body, without unnecessary words. That is not instinct. That is a structured, proven plan of action.

Why Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu suits children who are victims

The system does not rely on strength, speed or agility. It relies on correct technique. Even a small, weak, not especially sporty child can succeed.

Gracie Jiu Jitsu was developed by the Gracie family in Brazil around 90 years ago, precisely to give a small, weak person an answer to a big, strong attacker. It is the only system built around that principle from the ground up. Unlike boxing or karate, which rely on fast, powerful strikes and point contact, Gracie Jiu Jitsu is based on biomechanics, leverage and correct weight distribution. On continuous contact and sustained control over the body, not on a specific, fast impact.

The characteristics of the system make it suitable for any young person, boy or girl, without relying on physical abilities they do not have. The three core principles: control of the fighting range, the distance between you and the attacker. Control of the position, on top, underneath, or to the side. Control of the attacker, how to stop him without hurting him more than necessary.

When a young person controls those three principles, they can not only defend themselves. They know that they can. And that changes everything.

What the research says about Gracie Jiu Jitsu specifically

A study conducted in the United States on the "Gracie Bullyproof" programme specifically examined the application of Gracie Jiu Jitsu as a means of preventing bullying. The findings showed that the programme helped prevent bullying in schools and also helped resolve the problem when it arose. Victims of bullying who took part in the programme reported that it helped them deal with past trauma and overcome its effects (Emfield, 2015).

That is not surprising given what the broader research on martial arts shows. Lakes and Hoyt (2004) found that integrating martial arts into the school curriculum led to marked improvements in self-regulation, pro-social behaviour and classroom behaviour. Fuller (1988) showed that martial arts practitioners were more restrained and independent than practitioners of other competitive sports. And Duthie, Hope and Baker (1978) documented that the effect accumulates over time, the longer the training continues.

Weiser, Kutz, Kutz and Weiser (1995) added an important dimension: martial arts practitioners develop a unique ability to reduce fear and anger while maintaining concentration. That is exactly the ability a victim of bullying needs. Not to panic. Not to lash out. To think clearly and act.

What parents did not expect

Most parents who bring me their children arrive with one clear goal: for their child to stop being a victim. That is understandable. That is the urgent thing.

But after three months, four months, six months, they call me and say things they did not expect.

"Itay, he asked to read a book about jiu-jitsu. By himself. He hasn't read a book voluntarily since year 2."

"My daughter joined the class committee. I don't understand where that confidence came from."

"He doesn't sleep with the light on any more."

I am not surprised. I see it again and again.

The research explains it. Lantz (2002) found that participants in martial arts programmes consistently reported improvements that went far beyond physical fitness: increased self-confidence, improved concentration, respect for others and for themselves, new friendships, better grades. The effect filtered into every area of life.

The confidence built on the mat does not stay on the mat. It goes home with the child. It goes to class with her. It goes to football training, to break time in the yard, to a conversation with the most popular child in the class. A body that has learned to escape mount and side control when somebody bigger is sitting on it and pinning it to the floor, and does it again and again until the body does it by itself, that body feels different everywhere.

There is a scientific name for it: self-efficacy. Belief in one's own capability. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu builds it in a way nothing else matches, because it is not an abstract belief. It rests on real, repeated, accumulated experience of physical, demonstrable success.

A young person who learns to escape side control, when somebody bigger is controlling them from the side and crushing them, again and again and again, does not need anybody to tell them "you're capable". Their body already knows.

And when the body knows, the mind knows.

One parent told me: "before jiu-jitsu he used to apologise for existing. Now he just... exists." I have no better way of putting it.

A side effect nobody expected: jiu-jitsu also neutralises the bully

There is a saying in jiu-jitsu: the system teaches humility.

Picture the big, strong bully, the one everybody is used to being afraid of. He comes to a jiu-jitsu session for the first time, full of arrogance. And then, time after time, a partner smaller and weaker than him controls him. Neutralizes him. Stops him. Reduces him to helplessness. Submits him. Without brute force, only with technique.

The bully recognizes the limits of his strength. He understands that however big and strong he is, there is somebody who can stop him. At first he is at the bottom of the food chain. Everyone on the mat will control him and make him feel weak. That changes something in his awareness. It brings the arrogance down. It makes him humble.

Olweus's research (1995), which laid part of the foundation for modern bullying research, indicated that bullying continues as long as the bully perceives himself as stronger than his victim. Changing that self-perception is one of the most effective tools for ending bullying.

In that way we neutralize the bully's forceful character and end the bullying from both ends: from the victim's side, and from the aggressor's.

What makes Gracie Jiu Jitsu distinctive

Gracie Jiu Jitsu, the original system from which the entire BJJ world grew, has kept one goal from day one: realistic self-defence. And anyone who learned that philosophy directly from its source knows there is a difference between reading about it and absorbing it on the mat, from the Gracies themselves.

In Gracie Jiu Jitsu, every technique is tested against one question: will this work when somebody bigger, stronger and more aggressive than you is trying to hurt you? The emphasis is on situations where the young person is in the worst possible position. Mount, when somebody is sitting on you and pinning you to the floor. Side control and mount pins, when somebody is controlling you from the side or sitting on you, and you have nowhere to move. Those are the moments a young person feels most helpless, most frightened, closest to panic. We drill escaping those positions hundreds of times, until the body does it automatically even under pressure.

The techniques in the Gracie Jiu Jitsu syllabus end a confrontation, they do not escalate it. A young person does not learn to hit back. They learn to control, to hold, to wait. To be the calm one in the room. That is exactly what the education system wants to hear, and exactly what the young person needs.

The Israeli Academy of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and MMA teaches Gracie Jiu Jitsu from the source. Professor Itay Leibovich specialized in the system and learned directly from Royler Gracie, Royce Gracie, Rolker Gracie and Rickson Gracie. Not from videos and not from books. From the mat.

What a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu session actually looks like

A jiu-jitsu session does not look like a classic martial arts class. Nobody stands in rows, nobody shouts commands, it does not look like a small army.

The session starts with a dynamic warm-up: movement drills, rolls, crawls. Movements designed for how the body operates on the ground. Then you learn technique in depth: how to reverse a position, how to escape mount, how to protect yourself when somebody is holding you. And then comes the most important part: sparring. Live practice, with a partner, at a controlled pace. Not wild violence, but genuine practice of what you have learned. Like chess, but with your body.

It is the safest environment there is for experiencing a real confrontation without fear of injury.

Why does sparring matter? Because that is where the confidence is internalised. You can learn technique as much as you like, but only when you genuinely try it, when somebody pushes you and you succeed, do you really understand: I can do this. Someone who learns to escape mount, when a bigger person is sitting on them and pinning them to the floor, and does it again and again until the body does it by itself, knows they can do it in the playground too. Not theory. An internal sense of capability.

For details on jiu-jitsu for young people in Tel Aviv, visit the dedicated page.

Frequently asked questions

Is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu suitable for girls too?

Absolutely. The system was developed precisely for whoever is smaller and weaker than the attacker, which makes it ideal for girls. Self-defence for women and girls is one of the central values of the Israeli Academy, at BJJ Tel Aviv and in Netanya alike.

From what age can you start?

At the Israeli Academy in Tel Aviv and Netanya we accept students from age 14 and up. For younger children, from age 5, there are excellent BJJ academies that specialize in those ages. I am happy to give referrals and recommendations according to where you live. Get in touch directly and I will be glad to help.

How long until you see results?

The change in self-confidence usually arrives within 2-3 months. The techniques themselves take time, but the knowledge that you have tools comes quickly. The findings of Duthie, Hope and Baker (1978) confirm that the effect accumulates: the longer you continue, the deeper the impact.

Won't jiu-jitsu make my child more violent?

The opposite is true. Fuller (1988) found that martial arts practitioners were more restrained and independent than practitioners of other sports. Gracie Jiu Jitsu teaches self-control and the ability to end a confrontation without violence, not to escalate it.

What is the difference between Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Krav Maga?

Krav Maga relies on fast, powerful strikes and point contact, a specific and rapid impact. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Gracie Jiu Jitsu, works on an entirely different principle: biomechanics, leverage and correct weight distribution. Continuous contact and sustained control of the body, not a point impact. That is why it works even when you are on the ground, even when the attacker is bigger than you, and even when you have no brute strength. Further reading: Self-defence in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Tel Aviv.

The solution to bullying is not found only in lectures and parents' meetings. It is found in the young person themselves. In their ability to face a challenge and know that they can come out of it.

Gracie Jiu Jitsu gives a young person three things: practical self-defence tools that work, inner confidence that comes from experience, and mental resilience that filters into life off the mat. This is not fighting fire with fire. It is fighting fire with water: extinguishing the violence at source, ending it without escalation, and giving them the power to be master of their own fate.

Want to start?

Come for a trial class at the Israeli Academy of Gracie Jiu Jitsu. Get in touch on WhatsApp and we will arrange a trial class together. Classes are taught in Hebrew, but our instructors speak fluent English and a large part of our members are English speakers. On Saturday nights we run a class taught in English by Philip Paul. WhatsApp: click here📧

📍 Tel Aviv: Yitzhak Sadeh 29📍 Netanya: HaTzoran 4

📞 Phone: 050-5568555💬 Email: Info@bjj.org.il

🌐 Academy website: www.bjj.org.il

Bibliography

Borg, M. (1998). The emotional reactions of school bullies and their victims. Educational Psychology, 18(4), 433-444.

Brown, S., Birch, D., & Kancherla, V. (2005). Bullying perspectives: experiences, attitudes, and recommendations of 9- to 13-year-olds attending health education centers in the United States. Journal of School Health, 75(10), 384-392.

Cook, C. R., Williams, K. R., Guerra, N. G., Kim, T. E., & Sadek, S. (2010). Predictors of bullying and victimization in childhood and adolescence: A meta-analytic investigation. School Psychology Quarterly.

Duthie, R.B., Hope, L. & Baker, D.G. (1978). Cited in Morand, M.K. (2004). The Effects of Mixed Martial Arts on Behaviour of Male Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

Emfield, J. S. (2015). Self-Defense as a Bullying Prevention Strategy: An Evaluation of the Gracie Bullyproof Program. PhD dissertation. Northwest Nazarene University. Idaho, USA.

Fanti, K. A., & Kimonis, E. R. (2013). Dimensions of juvenile psychopathy distinguish "bullies," "bully-victims," and "victims". Psychology of Violence.

Fuller, J.R. (1988). Martial arts and psychological health. British Journal of Medical Psychology, 61, 317-328.

Lakes, K.D., Hoyt, W.T. (2004). Promoting self-regulation through school-based martial arts training. Applied Developmental Psychology, 25, 283-302.

Lantz, J. (2002). Family development and the martial arts: a phenomenological study. Contemporary Family Therapy, 24(4), 565-580.

Olweus, D. (1995). Bullying or peer abuse at school: Facts and intervention. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 4(6), 196-200.

Reid, P., Monsen, J., & Rivers, I. (2004). Psychology's contribution to understanding and managing bullying within schools. Educational Psychology in Practice, 20(3), 241-258.

Ripley, A. (2003). An Awesome Alternative to Drugs: Martial Arts Practice As Treatment For Children With AD/HD. Capella University.

Weiser, M., Kutz, I., Kutz, S.J., & Weiser, D. (1995). Cited in Morand, M.K. (2004). The Effects of Mixed Martial Arts on Behaviour of Male Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder